what, no bluetooth?

Beloved babywatchdog community, this is a particularly troubling case.

He/she/it looks like the type of baby who would answer their iPhone on the elliptical trainer by saying "yeah" or "talk to me", yap till they're winded 10 min. later, end the conversation with "cc me on that", then troll around the weight room for another half an hour obliviously prodding at the ego affirming touch screen that they paid $500 for before the price was slashed in half 2 weeks later.

Lame babies are LAST year's status symbol. And that ain't even an 3G. Mokay!

Using advanced age progression technology we have determined what this baby will look like in 30 years, and he looks like someone you might want to see attacked by this mofo.




(Thanx to Stuff Nobody Likes for the pic)

the lamest form of flattery?

Truly, it saddens us to shame-stamp YBIAA, because at the end of the day, it's not about a pissing contest between one baby watching blog (*cough* YBIL) and its rip-off (*sneeze* YBIAA). It's about the lame babies, and empowering them to correct themselves. We cannot allow ourselves to be sidetracked by these petty diversions. That said, we're not here to "come down" on lame-os, both within and outside of the baby community. Remember, what we at YBIL do is out of love and altruism. And selflessness, and generosity of spirit. Not to mention courage. What are we forgetting? Oh, humility.

Circle of Lame

AH yes: The not at all rare, not noble or majestic Baby Lamus, attention whore genus...most likely of Douche origin. By all accounts we are experiencing a fairly shocking bottleneck phenomenon here. Population control is imperative, people.

ImfuckingPerative. Lame babies are the new rats. Rats caused the bubonic plague, remember, and nearly toppled a once great civilization? We don't think we need to spell this out for you. The hour of spoon feeding is over, frankly, babies.

Baby Tip #468: If you encounter a lame baby in the wild, do not panic or make any sudden movements. Calmly duck behind the nearest bush and shoot them with an arrow dipped in mild tranquilizer, blown through a bamboo shot or tube, then outfit them with an ID tag so that we may begin to collect quantitative data regarding their true numbers, and act accordingly...and fast.

And lion, you've been shame-stamped too, for not doing your civic duty in gently but firmly mauling this young lamester. Again, we do not advocate baby mauling, because this whole thing is a labor of love. A swift sucker punch or wedgie would suffice. If you're not with us, you're against us, Simba, and that's just as lame. LAME!

Jah Lame

I am almost positive this photo fails to dissuade any negative stereotypes of western society held in the eyes of Rasta culture. I am sure Jah himself would be pretty annoyed at this little bald head and their bald headed parents. Was this a result of a Reasoning sess gone lame? Does anyone else notice the goofus expression emanating off Baby Lamus? Looks like they might have partaken in the Reasoning rotation. What is wrong with parents and babies? (Mostly babies. Let's say 98% babies. Parents are merely the enablers.)

Who's Lazier? Who's Lamer?

This parent is obviously suffering from one of the following afflictions:

1) rampant jealousy over her baby's inherent - yet still inexcusable - lack of mobility, or
2) indefensible laziness, bested only by her own spawn's indolence.

Either way, this is lame - and both parties have thus been branded by our YBIL shame-sign. Let's accept this for what it is: a creeping trend of sloth that we should together try to stop... while we still can, people.

Attention: Future-Douche Amber Alert

OK, YBIL-lovers: check out this lil' winner. Yep, the one with the My First D-Bag Training Wheels plastered on his mug.

Gee whiz - those are some mighty fine aviators you've got, kiddo!! Are you headed out on the highway to the danger zone... with a few phonebooks under your bony ass so that you can see over the steering wheel?

Seriously, you should know better than to pick up the awful habits of the late-20's (or early 30's trying to cling to their late 20's) D-bags that probably fathered you one drunken night when they bagged 'that busty chick' by dousing themselves in Axe Body Spray to cover up the stench of loneliness. +2 lame baby points for that smug grimace, too.

We can see that your polo is primed and ready for your collar pop. Don't do it, bucko. And don't pretend like it's only because you think it is 'ironic' or 'absurd'. This is your first and last warning. YBIL has already contacted child protective services, who should be issuing an amber alert to inform the public of this sort of nonsense.

Must be nice.

Like we said, lame babies can often be found chillaxin at the beach, just generally douching it up in floppy hats, nose zinc, and wraparound shades, etc. Going around harshing people's mellow and whatnot.

But there is a fine line between that and just insensitive and the line was back there, baby. Why is it, that when the rest of us are working eight jobs just to pay the bills, have lost our homes, and are clawing our way out of credit card debt, and/or are battling cancer with no insurance - all at the same time - we have to look at pictures of your lame mug freeloading off our toil- and looking damn pleased with yourself about it?(Seriously. You are the K.Fed of babies. Are you launching a career in lame rapping, too? Is that your scheme? Because it's been done. And it's old.)

There should be a law against this, or at least an intense cultural stigma. Baby, it's time you did some serious soul-searching about how not to pollute our world with hurtful and painful crap such as this. Baby Tip #112: Together as a society, we can shun and marginalize this behavior.